Dear Green Eyes

Today I listened to that song “Green Eyes” by Coldplay. That song reminds me of so much. It reminds me of my first boyfriend in high school. It reminds me of driving to get bierocks at lunch with Alex, Eric, and Emma, of how fulfilled I felt being with those people I was so happy to be friends with. It reminds me of college. Of sitting in my dorm room listening to a Rush of Blood to the Head on repeat. It has this magic where for 10 years, it hasn’t gotten old to me yet. Even though there has to be thousands of plays. I mean, I’ve played that song on repeat for hours and hours on more than one occasion. It reminds me to Dave, Skatepark Dave. He had green eyes. It reminds me of the time I played it in Byron Bay with Saige and James. Was one of the most vulnerable things I did because that song has been through so much with me. And I was introducing that song to people I loved so much. Letting them listen to it, letting them get so close to it, felt like a risk. And James used the song in one of his vlogs. That feels symbolic.

And now I listen to it in my “Ill Meet You There” playlist on Spotify. Yeah, I have Spotify and it’s so awesome. I used to listen to the lyrics, and that gave me life but even the sounds of the words strung together is everything. And now I don’t even listen to the words, just the sound of the chord progression, yeah, that’s all I need. And when I listened to it today, even though it’s been through all my most difficult heartaches, it still gives me so much hope and happiness when I listen to it. It makes no sense to me. Me and this song, we must have been torn from the same cloth. Why else would every time feel like the first time? It’s almost like it took all my burden from me. So now when I listen to it, I just feel happy. Songs shouldn’t do that. People shouldn’t even do that. But songs, they should never take a burden, they exist purely for our enjoyment. Thank you Green Eyes. You’ve shaped me, and you’ve given me something reliable. How is it possible? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. I just need you to be the you you’ve always been. The you you can’t help being. The you that for 10 years has been me.

 

NOTES

~ listening to “Green Eyes” by Coldplay
~ my mom said this post sounds like I’m sad, and I laughed.

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